Ballet shoes & thoughts

I think I make better art now than I used to because now i have more times where as before it was deadlines, deadlines, deadlines I only had a short amount of time to make paintings so I had to make them quickly i didn't have time to take months making a good painting this time however im taking my time this painting above i knew was inaccurate i rushed it to finish it so i could continue with my Walter Sicket essay.

My thought is if an artist can make a masterpiece from a piece of card toilet paper and glue then he can make anything look like a masterpiece. It isnt the materials that really matter but what you can do with them. Well sometimes it matters when it comes to vivid colour then good quality paints do help i suppose but when i had no money i was using a red, yellow and blue tube of £3.99 paint and my paintings were still ok.


Theses are my ballet shoes yep I did this too from being very small i did it on and off for years but I gave it up at 17 so I could pursue painting I was better at painting.

 I was just thinking as im sitting here drinking my coffee how very bored I am not just today but with my life in general. I need to be somewhere where im understood, accepted for the person that I am inside. I mean I don't know anybody around here that can paint and draw like this its a very specialist subject. So while im sitting here at home isolated the talent that I have is not being recognised or used correctly and I'm being held back living in North East England there isn't exactly as many other that a first class honours degree in fine art round here. I need friends that understand me not just because of art but for my health and well being as well I'm becoming bored and restless being alone in a little coal mining village where nobody around me understands my art. It would I suppose take a lot of hard work to find others that like art history and have a first class honours degree so I've started teaching others about it instead of trying to find other friends on my level i gave up looking a long time ago but still its fun to learn others what I've learnt.

Having autism I sometimes wonder if anything I say is ever correct at all. Words come out backwards and no matter what I say I always choose the wrong time to say things or I say too much or too little. I sometimes wonder if people just think im a deluded fool I often apologies for just being alive. I've even doubt my own art thinking I just think its good what if im making bad art maybe im just painting bad art and it will never be recognised ive been told all my life my drawings are good but maybe they are not ive just never met anybody else like me?

Did you see the autistic boy dancing like Billy Elliot on Britain's got talent? I hope that is on tonight see its an autistic person again we do amazing things. I walked on my toes like that for years too because of being autistic and it was hell walking with my feet flat on the ground i did this on and off for ages i cant wear high heels anymore.